References and Recommendations: What's Needed and How to Request Them

We found this process to be the most straightforward—except for my using the term 'references' and 'recommendations' interchangeably. While straightforward, since this process requires burdening other people, I wanted to make sure I understood the process, so we could package the request as simply as possible for those we were needing to burden. This article is a short summary of what I learned and how we went about completing these requirements.

This article is organized into five sections: (1) required references / recommendations by school; (2) what schools are looking for; (3) the process—for the student / parent; (4) the process—for the recommender; (5) our approach and timeline.

Required References / Recommendations By School

While it can appear that many different references / recommendations are required, in practice, most applicants rely on the same three to five individuals to submit references and recommendations to all schools.

For the avoidance of doubt, students may customize requests. For example, a student may ask 'Person A' to submit a personal recommendation for Schools #1-4, and 'Person B' to submit for School #5, if 'Person B' has a specific connection—such as being an alumn. That said, most applicants simply submit all reference and recommendation requests to the same three to five people.

What Schools Are Looking For

References / recommendations give Admissions Officers contextual information about the applicant through a critical third-party, longitudinal lens. These notes offer insight into how a student learns, contributes, and grows.

References / recommendations will answer questions that student / parent statements and interviews cannot fully address, such as:

• How does this student behave day to day
• How do they respond to feedback
• Are they kind, curious, resilient
• Would teachers enjoy having this student in class

A thoughtful and specific [administrator / teacher] reference can strengthen an application—especially for students whose transcripts or test scores don't tell the whole story. And a thoughtful and specific [personal and/or special interest] recommendation can strengthen an application by corroborating traits / attributes that are likely already woven into student / parent statements.

The Process—For the Student / Parent

Step #1: Confirm Each School's Requirements

Before contacting anyone, review each school's application requirements carefully, noting ...

Which references are required: Typically, at least three references will be required: (i) principal / dean / or equivalent administrator; (ii) *current* math teacher; (iii) *current* english teacher. A fourth teacher reference may also be required (this was the case for Deerfield).

Whether personal recommendations are required or optional (or not applicable)

Whether special interest recommendations are optional (or not applicable)

Step #2: Identify the Right People

You won't have latitude to cherry pick references—except for if a school requires a teacher who is *not* the student's current math or english teacher.

For the personal recommendation, however, you'll want to select individual(s) who:

• Knows the student well (e.g., coach, music instructor, club advisor, mentor, tutor, personal / family member or friend)
• Can speak to growth, character, and engagement
• Are likely to provide thoughtful, specific insight

Step #3: Ask the Person First

The student (not parent) should ask the recommender directly—either in person, or over a brief call.

The 'ask' can be as simple as: 'May I please ask if you would feel comfortable writing a strong [reference / recommendation] for me as I apply to boarding schools?' Students don't need to know exactly how the process works in the moment, and can simply reference that their parent(s) will send a note with clarifying information.

Step #4: Follow Up with a Written Request

After the recommender agrees, send a clear follow-up e-mail. This can come from the student; however, since there may be back and forth, I suggest the note comes from the parent(s).

The note should include:

• Appreciation for their willingness and time
• A brief explanation about the process
• Schools to which their reference / recommendation will be sent
• Deadlines
• Optional: concise summary about the child (I expound on our approach to this in Section #5)

Step #5: Submit the Request Through the 'Gateway' Application Portal

• Log onto Gateway
• Select the 'Request' reference or recommendation from any school (it does not matter)
• A pop-up window will appear
• Enter the person's e-mail
• Select all the schools to which you want that person's reference / recommendation to be sent
• Hit 'Submit'

Step #6: Track Completion and Send Gentle Reminders, If Needed

Monitor the 'Gateway' portal for submission status. If the deadline is approaching, send a polite reminder 1-2 weeks in advance.

Assume goodwill and busy schedules; and avoid frequent or urgent follow-ups unless absolutely necessary. Your child's principal and current math and english teachers are likely needing to complete references for several students.

Step #7: Send a Thank You Note

After submissions are complete, the student should: send a sincere thank you e-mail (handwritten when possible).

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Below are two images to help provide a visual of the process.

Image #1: 'Part 3' requirements for Exeter. Blue boxes highlight where reference / recommendation requests are managed.

Image #2: Recreated image of the pop-up window referenced in Step #5. Since we've already submitted our requests, I can no longer access the actual pop-up window, but wanted to provide a visual that may be used as a proxy for what you should expect to see.

The Process—For the Recommender

Notification: Those writing a reference / recommendation will receive an automated e-mail that includes basic information (e.g., student's name; their role; deadlines; instructions for accessing the portal / submitting the reference / recommendation).

Logging on: They will create an account or, if they've used the platform before, they will log onto the 'Gateway' portal.

Completing the request: They complete one submission for multiple schools (i.e., all the schools you checked in Section #3 >> Step #5).

References (Administrator / Math / English / Possible 'Third' Teacher)

• Complete a standardized form that is designed to be efficient while still allowing qualitative commentary and nuance. It will contain: (i) Rating scales; (ii) Short-answer questions; (iii) Narrative commentary; (iv) and on occasion, a request for the teacher to submit a graded test
• Rating scales may be on a 1-N rating, or use other comparative rankings (e.g., 'top X%,' 'above / below average')
• Administrator references will focus on: school context, grading norm, a student's standing relative to peers, broader character observations
• Teacher references will focus on: classroom behavior, learning style, academic engagement

Personal / Special Interest Recommendations

Will be more free-form. Typically, the recommender may upload a letter (in .PDF or text format), and may sometimes be prompted to respond to a small number of guided questions.

In both cases (reference and recommendation), progress may be saved and completed at a later point.

Confidentiality: Students / parents cannot see the contents of references or recommendations (only the submission status).

Submission: The completed form / uploaded letter is submitted once. The 'Gateway' application portal distributes the submission to all assigned schools. No additional action is required, unless they are later assigned to a new school. Once completed, both the recommender and student / parent will see the request marked as 'Submitted.'

Deadline reminders may come from the portal.

Our Approach and Timeline

Reference Requests

We aimed to be as respectful as possible about our references' time, especially considering our daughter's request was one of several they received—that were all due shortly after the very busy end-of-year timeframe.

Schools may have an established process

prior to a student broaching the topic with their teacher, you (parent) may want to check in with the school's administration office first to see if there is a centralized process the school would like you to follow. Our school did not originally have one; but I think they received enough requests, such that they sent an e-mail guiding parents to send a heads up to the administration in advance of formally submitting requests.

Timing

• Early / mid-November: my daughter broached the topic with her teachers
• Mid-November: we (parents) followed up via e-mail
• Shortly after our follow-up: we formally submitted the request

'About [Our Daughter]' Note

We wanted to provide additional context that would not interfere with or influence our references' pre-existing opinions. As such, we limited the context we provided to the reasons why our daughter wants to pursue boarding school.

Personal Recommendation Request

We did not send this request until early December—namely because we hemmed and hawed over: (i) who we should ask; and (ii) if we wanted to ask multiple people. We did not use hard decision-making criteria to land on our person, but for what it's worth, considered the following:

• Who would be genuinely enthusiastic about writing this letter, and has the time (without it being overly burdensome)
• Who knows our daughter well over time, not just in one moment
• Who has seen a struggle, growth, or change—and be able to reference something specific
• Who can articulate my daughter's character without overselling or exaggeration
• Should the recommendation come from an alumn (where we (parents) are friends with the alumn)

Ultimately, we chose to ask just one person to serve as a personal recommender. For transparency, we did not pursue an alumni recommendation. None of our friends who are alumni know our daughter well enough to write a meaningful recommendation without significant input from us; and that level of scaffolding felt disingenuous.

Because our recommender knows our daughter deeply, the contextual 'About [Our Daughter]' information we shared consisted of excerpts from our parent statements. This was *not* intended to shape or influence the recommendation, but rather to provide text for how we—as parents, describe and understand our daughter.

Beyond that, we shared the same process-related information we provided to her administrator and teacher references.