Despite reading up about the process, I am embarrassed to admit that I did not know parents were interviewed. My daughter's first campus tour / interview was at Lawrenceville (my husband accompanied our daughter). Lawrenceville did not do a parent interview. My daughter's second tour / interview was at Hotchkiss. I took my daughter. And when the most loveliest of Admissions Officers met us in the waiting area to take my daughter, I was surprised to hear her say that she'd come back for me so she and I could chat. So ... I looked at the time on my phone, and figured I had about 25-30 minutes to think about questions I had about the school / for the Admissions Officer.
I was not sweating bullets or anything. I figured the conversation would be c.10-15 minutes long, and mostly be an opportunity for me to ask questions. Still, I did not want to waste the opportunity to be genuinely curious; so I thought hard for most of those 30 minutes while they had my daughter.
This article is organized into three sections: (1) why schools talk to parents; (2) common topics; and (3) what parents should avoid doing.
Why Schools Talk To Parents
Largely, this is a real opportunity for parents to ask questions. For what it's worth, here are a few additional data points from my experiences:
- As I noted in our main interview preparation article, about half the schools kicked off the parent portion by providing me with a thoughtful and succinct summary about the nature of / highlights from the conversation had with my daughter (though I don't know if this was a function of a school's protocol vs. personal practice).
- Only one school asked me a follow-up question about my daughter (St. Paul's); here, following the summary of the conversation with my daughter, the Admissions Officer asked: "what did I miss." I used this opportunity to fill in a couple of events / gaps that I thought were important contributing factors to my daughter's personality and motivations.
- I had prepared questions; but in many cases, the Admissions Officer and I never formally got beyond my first one, as our conversation ended up following tangents that naturally came up.
- The Admissions Officers may very well have been using the opportunity to form an opinion about my daughter / our family, by assessing me. If they were, they hid this ulterior motive well.
Common Topics
In all of my experiences—except for that one follow-up from St. Paul's, I was not asked about my daughter. However, without having spoken about this with other parents, I'm reluctant to say that questions from the Admissions Officer to the Parent don't often happen.
As such, this section is couched around topics (possibly questions) that Admissions Officers and Parents may end up discussing—either as general topics, or in the form of questions you ask to Admissions Officers:
- Your child's personality
- Academic strengths and learning style
- Areas of growth (lightly framed)
- Interests outside the classroom
- Your child's social style
- Readiness for independence and responsibility
- Ways and outlets your child handles stress, challenges, or setbacks
- Family values—especially relative to alignment with a school's values / culture
- What you (parent) would look for the school to provide
- Specific questions about things like: the Advising system, safety, mental health supports, arts / athletics, religion, etc.
What Parents Should Avoid Doing
I cannot imagine parents doing any of the below deliberately; but I can imagine scenarios—either because of language barriers (like I'm imagining my parents trying to have to do this) or being overly excited, where the conversation may be misinterpreted.
Here is my short-list counsel of what to be aware of:
- Avoid focusing myopically on outcomes (e.g., matriculations)
- Avoid over-emphasizing or being overly defensive about your child's weaknesses
- Avoid inadvertently diminishing your child's current school or curriculum
- Avoid over-selling your child's interest in the school
- A grounded, balanced, and authentic parental voice is the most compelling.
As for me, one topic I did raise in a couple of conversations—especially at the larger schools, was around the Advising and support systems that scaffold a student's academic and social experience. I was upfront with the fact that my daughter is aware of and is trying out different strategies to be better organized or not lose track of time; and wanted a 'day-in-the-life' example of when and how faculty, advisors, and the administration may (or may not) step in if they notice certain things may be falling through the cracks.